DAR
Passed along from a friend.
"Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:"
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight
attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The other
says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But
why?', they asked as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to
a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal.'
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally,
10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.